About 7 years ago, when I was just in the first grade of junior high, I called my house a war field.
Dad and mom fought almost every single day.  I've post something about my dad before here in 2girl, some people might have seen it.  Things had been very complicated in my family.  Frankly, I hated going home.  I felt no sense of security when going home.  My sister and I lived under our parents argument.  I was only 12, and my sister was in the elementary school.  Being the older sister, I couldn't cry, I couldn't be afraid, I couldn't be a coward as I had to take care of my sister.

I hated to see my dad yelling at my mother, throwing things, and frightening her.
I hated to see my mother crying her eyes out because of my father.
I remember during that painful period, my mother used to put lots of ice cube in the freezer.  Because you know how our eyes puffed in the morning after a night of crying.


Anyway, it's hard to tell every single detail here, but my whole family was just a mess for almost four years.
My paretns even ALMOST got divorced.


However, both of my parents have been working quite well with each other.
They haven't fight anymore except some small fight about works.
Gradually, I started to know how it feelis like to be part of the family.
The warmness is there, I can feel it very clearly.
Though I had siad that I hate my father so much. 
But things have changed...the hate has gone.
And the love has sprung out like a sunflower.


I love my parents and my sister.
I no more hate my father.

I believe things will change eventually, always.

This is why I started to think about what if I made the wrong decision.
I mean to be a Les.

They've hoping me to form a happiness family with children and a good husband.
What if I mess up all their dreams?
This is such a painful and unanswerable question for me, always.


But I love my family, in deed.